I have done three things in the past couple of days that I thought I would never do:
1. Get thrown in prison
2. Join the military
3. Bed a woman with a snaggletooth
Curse that snaggletooth, and the trouble that it’s bought me. She was quite nice, as far as the fiancees of other men go. She was a talented songstress, a skilled cook, and if i may use some of the common vernacular here, “A butt that wouldn’t quit”. We had an enjoyable few days together. Until, that is, her husband returned from his trip.
It’s the husband’s fault, really. Who leaves such a talented young woman unaccompanied by guards, or servants, anything like that? He was practically begging a charming young gentleman to come along and show his lady how to properly conduct himself and his companion. (There’s a joke here about his wife begging for it, but I will keep that to myself) Despite his obvious faults, the cuckolded would-be groom was quite livid upon his return.
In an effort to “Preserve her honor” (really to save his own stinking hide from further embarrassment) the man challenged me to a duel. He shows his foolishness in his actions, as any sensible, overly-fed noble as himself should have been able to determine how out of his league he was. He rushed the confrontation in a blind thirst for satisfaction, and I did not deny him that right. He had a second, much wiser than he, who attempted to warn him about his inadequacies in this fight. The foolish noble blindly dismissed his assertion and summarily dismissed any rules for this duel.
Now, I like to think myself an honorable man. A duel without rules is little more than a street brawl. I was well within my rights to kill him then and there, but I felt pity for the poor fellow. After all, his wife did just cheat on him. I decided to be kind – I shot him in the leg to end the duel. He did not find this acceptable – he used his influence and vague threats of reprisal to convince the guardsmen to arrest me.
I spent my time in my sell conversing with a rather large gentleman by the name of James. Good fellow, even though he had the kind of hands that seem like they could tear the bars right out of the wall. There was also a feminine voice that I could not see. She was a bit grumpy, but given the circumstances, it’s understandable. Eventually, I was called to the office of the warden.
I was finally able to explain my situation and free myself from this false accusation. The admiral was quite a reasonable fellow, convincing me to sign on to his privateer outfit. Perhaps not my first choice of career, it still gives me the chance to adventure and live a life of relative comfort. I agreed to his terms and awaited him to finish his business.
Prediction his actions, I went to the tavern and awaited for my new friend James. I discussed our predicaments with the rest of the people assembled in the tavern, guessing correctly that they are recruits as well. Interesting and varied lot. I can’t say that I’ve ever met a shark man walking around with a dragon, and that’s coming from a man who’s homeland is ruled by shape shifting cats.
Once the admiral finished his business, we were led to our ship and introduced to the captain. And then, it immediately went to Hades. The town was attacked by pirates, and the admiral killed. Thinking quickly, I lept from the pier to the boat and manned one of the cannons. When the captain was blown off of the helm, the Japanese man accompanying us took control of the ship. Together, we managed to cripple the pirates assault and catch up to the main ship holding out aggressors. Unfortunately, they had magics available to them that5 allowed them to escape. Perhaps this was for the best. I recognize a skilled fighter and these gentlemen most certainly applied.
I do not know what my future holds, but it seems, at least, that I now have a path to walk.